and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
