i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
