My first STD was from a foam party
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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