I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
