there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
