Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
