You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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