You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
