he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
