We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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