I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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