I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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