so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
