my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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