hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
