So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We need to get me chipped asap
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
