did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
