You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
