Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
