So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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