I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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