An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
