As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
