I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
