Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
