Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
