I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
