i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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