There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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