carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
