Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
