When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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