that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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