franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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