After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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