I wish I could punch you in the face.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize