My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
