Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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