If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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