Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Text me some of your sweat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
