I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
