Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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