the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
