You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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