Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
