Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The best revenge is premature balding
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
