grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
