Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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