Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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