she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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