i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
