Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
