He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
