we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out mid-signature
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
