I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
