Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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