he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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