so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
