Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
