u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
