When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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