i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize