Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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