I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
