Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is my gift to your gina
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
