I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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