i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
