I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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