I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
