I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
