You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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