Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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