i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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