NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
